in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
