i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
