If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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