I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
