garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
