so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
