I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
two words: eviction party
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
