Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
