i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
