she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
