remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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