i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
