dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
