Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
