i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
honey bunches of taint.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
where does the pee come out of this thing
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
