I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
