My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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