either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
