someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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