Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
