he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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