He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
