Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
