At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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