I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Semen is not good for contacts.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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