I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
