Me too!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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