a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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