This dress was meant to end up on your floor
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
