There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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