shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
