I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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