Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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