i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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