I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
