she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
