The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
