If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
