Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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