Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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