Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
