I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
