Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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