Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
