i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
