as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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