In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
