the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
