My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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