whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
