I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
