I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
