Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she smelled like a LAN party
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
