I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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