I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
