I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
