Im at strip club and am horny
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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