We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
