he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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