You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
