i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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