I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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