The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
