I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
