Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
