If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
