it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's paper in my vomit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
