I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
