I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
