What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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